A Hundred Days Of This - Day 27

Yesterday and today were meh days for me, especially yesterday I was a bit lost too. On the surface, it might seem like everything is okay and am smiling too. But boy, was it hard to get through the day. The winter blues are catching up and maybe it is the hormones messing up with the brain too. Aunt flow is ready to pay a visit soon. It was terrible and I was getting emotional way too often. I started questioning all my decisions and judging people on the social media for hours. Getting out of bed did not seem like a great option too. I had the most weird thoughts and dreams the past two nights, and I was slowly feeling unloved. I loathed myself for this and that, it was turtles all the way down!

I am sure we all went down that path. Even while typing this out, I have a hundred thoughts racing in my mind. And that is completely okay. In 2025, I have learnt and am still learning how to sit with my emotions and communicate them properly. I am learning how not to hold any expectations from others and not to dump my emotions on them. My feelings are my feelings, none of your feelings. Sure, there still are many triggers that can shake me up, but it helps when I break those down into pieces and ask myself why am I feeling the way that I am feeling. Last night, I gave myself the permission to let the tears flow. Today, I said out loud "these are simply thoughts, not your reality." So what if I made a lot mistakes and took really bad decisions? I am here, I am alive and most importantly, I can try again. So what if people have started hating me? Would I keep becoming a door mat to accommodate all sorts of rubbish, no chance. Protecting my inner peace and finding a sense of purpose are the most important things for me at this stage of life.

Reminding that I have a great family to go back to and the fact that I am married to my best friend who keeps saying cook your favourite food are just about enough to sustain my manassanthi. Inkem kaavaali cheppu? All the other things can and will be taken care of eventually. Some days are like this and that is when we have to put in more efforts to count our blessings. Or just pick up a video game you love and beat the shit out of it. Just as whatever gets measured, gets managed well so does whatever gets acknowledged, gives way to serenity and clears up space in the precious real estate of my brain. The first thought that pops out is not in my control but the second one sure is. Have to treat it responsibly. Do not spin an entire story around it, Soumya. You are doing more than just fine!

"You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it. You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick. You're the storyteller and the story told. You are somebody's something, but you are also your you." ~ John Green

And that's Day 27 for you!